Day 52 Saturday August 14, 2004

Dag 52 zaterdag 14 augustus 2004

Published on August 14, 2004 By Heartache In Marital Issues

I didn't sleep well tonight. Got up around 2:00 am and started blogging again. This is when I wrote the summary of my first 50 days.

Got back to bed at about 5:00 am and slept till 7:00 am. Not many hours I know. Miek is coming home today….

My son’s made breakfast. He’s 8 years old and doing very well for his age. We ate and I SMS’ed Miek to ask when she was coming home and that we missed her. She replied she’d call when she was leaving.

When she came home I wasn’t very pleased to see she’d taken more of a distance then before she left. I felt it and it broke my hart again. I had a talk with her. She’d needed the time alone. I have to take a distance myself. I can’t keep this up. But I need her so much…
I tell her so but she can’t do anything for me. She over our relationship. The love’s gone. And won’t come back.

Stress level is up again. I’ve taken my drops again. It takes away some of the stress en helps me get more relaxed.

The rest of the day is rather dual. I can’t get in touch with her. She’s somehow not here. Singing en staring at nothing…

I made dinner. It was good but then she says she wants to go to her aunt for a cup of tea. This means I’m alone again this evening. The kids are playing outside..

She comes home at 9:00 PM and we watch some TV with the kids. I go to bed at 10:30 pm. Drops and all.

I fall asleep…

Comments

Johnny Masuda

on Aug 15, 2004

Yo, my friend. Cheer up. Life moves forward and dwelling so hard on the loss is killing you. You need to allow acceptance to grow. Whatever the reasons, she's moving on, and even though it hurts, you have to move on too. Get busy, do things, join a softball league of bowling or something enjoyable. You'll meet new friends, more than a few will have gone thru the same process. When you feel yourself feeling like shit and crying in your beer, grab your balls and tell yourself to "butch up." You've taken a couple of good punches, but you're not down, throw a few good punches of your own--invest in your happiness--it's ok to feel better.

pop psychology-- J.

Heartache

on Aug 15, 2004

Hello Johnny,

Your right I am drowning myself in my loss. The problem with me is I haven’t had a life of my own. Pathetic isn’t it. I’ve left all decisions to my wife. Even friends are hers. So I feel a little alone. Getting a grip is a problem.

Building a new life, is building A life for me... Starting from scratch. I’m not forgetting my children. At least that is an accomplishment. And yes I should join something to get my mind off the shit.

Thanks

Johnny Masuda

on Aug 15, 2004

My friend, I know it's different every other thought you think about this crap. So what if you let your wife make all the desisions. You're full grown and it's not as hard as it seems. But it's never going to change till you decide, however good or bad you do it, to walk your own path. There are a great number of men who didn't find their niche in life till they were well into the 50's or more. Don't look to fix anything. just go and have some fun and give yourself a well desearved break. Remember, one step at a time, and it'll start falling into place. You're going to be ok. Trust those of us who have gone before you.

J.

Heartache

on Aug 15, 2004

Trust those of us who have gone before you

I do. And I thank you for telling what to do. I am full grown. But in living a life by myself I'm just a beginner. I'm behaving like a whiner don't I. 42 years old and behaving like a baby.

I'm off from work this whole week. Miek's got to work an the kids will be at a tennis camp. So I'm alone. I'll try taking your advice and make this my week...

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