Day 54 Monday August 16, 2004
I've not slept very well tonight. Got up at 3:30 am and started blogging again. Went back to bed at 4:45 am. Woke up at 6:15 again...
This morning the kids are going to tennis camp. They will be away all week. Because I'm free from work this week this will be my first whole week alone in the house (at least during the daytime) ever.
The kids have to be at the camp site at 9:00 am. So we got up in time and Miek went to work. Kids got all their bags down on time and we put all the stuff in the car. When we arrived at the camp site it was raining cats and dogs.
Nice start isn't it.
We first set up the tent in a sheltered space and then moved it out to the –now rainy and wet - spot where it’s supposed to be standing during the rest of the week.
The kids are excited. I’m glad they like it. They don’t seem to be bothered by the rain.
Kissed them goodbye and drove home.
Home alone
Its not that I haven’t been alone in the house before. But it just feels different.
This is the first day of the week I’m going to make some changes. Start to accept the fact that I’ll be a single man in the near future. Speak to people and make some new acquaintances.
First I made some bread and a cup of tea. Then after dwelling in front of the TV for about an hour and a half I went to the gym. Did cardio and muscle building exercises for about 90 minutes. Got into the sauna for ten minutes and got dressed again.
I went to see Ger. An old neighbor and friend of mine (ours). Talked about our respective holidays and about how I’m feeling at the moment. He listened and I spoke most of the time. He’s very understanding. And like everyone else he tells me to do things for me and accept the fact that Miek is not mine anymore. Talking at least made me feel better, though the churning in my belly hasn’t stopped.
When I went home I stopped at McDonalds and ate one of the largest burger they sell (I live in the Netherlands so it’s not half as large as it is at your side of the world). This filled my stomach and took away some of the churning feeling.
Got home at about 4:30 pm. I did some chores and began preparing dinner. Then Miek send me an SMS message. She did not want to eat dinner tonight. She’d just eaten something and wasn’t hungry. Just in time. Neither am I. The next message she send was “Movie?” .
So we’re going to the movies tonight. I know why. It keeps us from having to talk to each other all evening.
Miek got home at 6:15 pm and we had some tea before we went.
The movie we saw is “I, Robot” with Will Smith. I liked it; I’ve read the book once but couldn’t remember anything about it. During the movie I looked at Miek many times. She looks great. F*ck!
When we got home we took a drink and watched some TV, I massaged her feet, and then we went to bed. I took my drops again.
This wasn’t a bad day. In fact I felt better, aside from the churning feeling in my belly, then many days before.
Fell asleep rather quickly…